Dancing All Alone
by SSJ Sky
Summary: ARGH! I had a spiffy little clip from the fic here as a summary, but it didn't fit! ::cries:: Angsty ANGSTY Seto/Jou fic, with Y/Y, B/R, and M/A on the side. R/R? Luvvies!
1. What Have I Done?

Dancing All Alone  
  
A/N: Okay, here's one of those stories I was talking about. I figure if I get this out and get some S/J Angst off my chest, I can get back to all my other fics and write some Y/Y and B/R and maybe even... M/A! La... Anyway, here's a very angsty S/J fic, with all the other couples on the side... Dun kill me...  
  
*****  
  
He was surprisingly warm. Even for having a large bed with thick blankets, and a heating system, he felt warm.  
  
There weren't many nights or mornings when Seto Kaiba felt cold.  
  
Especially not since he had his lover move in with him.  
  
Jounouchi Katsuyaa. The 'mutt' he had constantly harassed in and out of school. It was strange how fate worked that way. How one fight in the rain could turn into the first of many lovemaking nights.  
  
But for some reason, that warm was uncomfortable. That, and his head was spinning. His stomach was twisting into knots.  
  
'What the hell happened last night?'  
  
He didn't remember it. The smell, the feel, the sound... He had no recollection of how he had gotten there, and what he had done. But he did know it was bad. How did he know? The tears and the betrayed look in those amber eyes as he awoke. 'What have I done?'  
  
There was little to no light in the room, but the little light there was stabbed at his dark blue orbs. He wanted to close them, should have closed them, but then he wouldn't have been able to see those sad amber eyes.  
  
"Jou?" He asked quietly, squinting.  
  
His arm was draped around the naked body of his lover, holding him there.  
  
Jou just stared up at him with tearful eyes. "H-how could you?" He choked, his voice sounding raw and tired.  
  
Seto was confused. 'How could I what?'  
  
He took a shaky breath, shifting, only to find that the moment his arm loosened, Jou backed away.  
  
"What are you talking about?" He was surprised at how his own voice seemed to be worn and frog-like.  
  
Golden hair slid into those amber eyes, covering them. It was then, that Seto regained more of his senses, to see that they were both lying in a bed in his room, naked, and that Jou was trembling.  
  
"Jou?"  
  
Still shaking, Jou sat up, with a slight wince that Seto didn't see. "D- don't..."  
  
Seto also sat up, much to the dismay of his head and his stomach. "Don't?"  
  
It was the tears that sent him into a shock-like state. The crystalline tears glistening in his puppy's eyes.  
  
"D-don't... Call me Jou."  
  
In confusion, Seto reached out with one hand to try and wipe the tears away, but Jou instantly recoiled, clutching the blankets around his slender hips.  
  
"D-don't come n-near me, Kaiba..."  
  
Seto flinched. Jou never called him Kaiba anymore.  
  
"Jou, what's going on?"  
  
Shaking, Jou reached down to the floor and picked up his boxers, which he pulled on slowly and carefully. Seto continued to watch, tears threatening his own vision. Why did it seem like Jou hated him?  
  
"Kaiba..." Covered, Jou turned to face him, arms wrapped protectively around his chest. "Don't come near me at all... I want nothin' ta do with you..."  
  
Seto froze. "J-Jou....?"  
  
Jou pulled his pants on next, then his t-shirt. He didn't even look back as he walked out of the room, with a wince that Seto noticed.  
  
For several minutes, Seto just sat there, nausea building in the pit of his stomach. "What... Just happened?"  
  
His gaze traveled to the spot where his love had lain, the sheets rumpled, when his heart stopped.  
  
Red. There was red on his blankets, on the bed as well. He grabbed the blanket by the edge and flung it away, to find blood staining his sheets.  
  
Blood on the blankets, sheets... And what Seto saw next made him want to scream. His own length had blood on it.  
  
Stumbling helplessly, Seto found the bathroom, where he staggered into the shower and vomited, head pounding relentlessly. The water, which he kept on cold, washed him clean, though he would never get the image out of his head.  
  
"By God... What have I done?"  
  
Try as he might, he could remember nothing of the previous night. He remembered talking with Jou on the phone while he was at the office. He remembered being congratulated on a new prototype by his employees. He even remembered the words they had spoken over the phone.  
  
*  
  
"What time are ya getting' home Seto?"  
  
"Soon. I have a little more to do here, but I will be home soon."  
  
A soft sigh. "It's lonely here without you..."  
  
A chuckle. "It's pretty lonely here..."  
  
A pause.  
  
"I'll see you when you get home?"  
  
"Always."  
  
Another pause.  
  
"I love you Seto..."  
  
A smile.  
  
"I love you too Jou."  
  
A click.  
  
More silence.  
  
"More than you know..."  
  
*  
  
What had happened? He had no recollection of the events after he left his office, no idea what he had done to make Jou hate him.  
  
But the image of the blood and the betrayed look told him otherwise.  
  
"I'd... I'd never hurt him..." He sputtered, shivering violently under the cold spray from his shower.  
  
His eyes shut, unable to withstand the task of staying open, and a bitter sob made him cough, grabbing the handle for the water and turning it off.  
  
"I'd n-never..."  
  
He wrapped his arms around himself, tears flowing down his face. His headache, his stomach, no memory...  
  
Then it hit him. The congratulation party. He had agreed to have a drink with his employees. He had gotten drunk.  
  
"What... What have I done...?"  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Okay, this is just the prologue... What do ya think? There will be explanations and stuff ^_^ Dun worry S/J lovers! I will most likely have a good ending... ^_^D 


	2. Where Can I Go?

Dancing All Alone  
  
A/N: Whee ^_^ I've already gotten death threats! Woohoo! ... Does anyone wanna know what happened to Jou?  
  
*****  
  
Bitter tears slid down pale cheeks as the teenager made his way through the busy streets. He kept his arms wound tightly around himself, not trusting himself to walk with any sense of vulnerability. There was a slight pain in his lower body with every step he took, but he ignored it.  
  
Sorrow-filled amber eyes turned towards the skies, and the youth continued to stumble along.  
  
'I don' understand... Well I do understand... But I never thought he'd...'  
  
His body shook with a pained sob, and his eyes closed.  
  
'I loved... love him! I trusted him... I jus'... C-can't... Can't be near him... Not after...'  
  
A person bumped into him, making him stumble painfully forward, gritting his teeth.  
  
'I gotta go somewhere... But... Where?'  
  
Finding a park bench, he gladly slumped onto it, lying on his right side. His green jacket was really too thin to keep him warm, especially in the middle of fall, but he didn't care. He wouldn't... No, couldn't go back to Seto's house.  
  
His attention was then captured by a little girl, who was sitting somewhat near him. She was wearing a pink dress with yellow socks and black shoes, her brown hair in pigtails. It wasn't so much her presence that caught his attention, but the song she was singing. It was obvious she had no clue what the words meant.  
  
"Dancing all alone, singing Dum de do. Listenin' to the music from the radio. Dancing all alone, singing Dum de do... Pretending I'm together with my Romeo..."  
  
His eyes filled with tears again, as the girl twirled around, singing.  
  
"No more flowers at my door.. No more dinners in the magic moonlight, the wind blows colder than before... Foolish me dreaming that you're holding me tight..."  
  
Jou froze at those words. It was no small wonder why he hated love songs.  
  
"Dancing all alone, singing Dum de do. Listenin' to the music from the radio. Dancing all alone, singing Dum de do... Pretending I'm together with my Romeo..."  
  
The girl stopped suddenly, then sighed. "I never remember the next lines..."  
  
"Emiko, c'mon, we have to go now!"  
  
Jou's eyes widened. 'Please don't be...'  
  
"But Anzu, I wanna stay at the park!" The girl said sadly.  
  
Indeed, it was tall and slim Anzu who walked up, placing a hand on Emiko's shoulder. "It's getting cold, and..."  
  
Her eyes met Jou's, and she paused. "Five more minutes on the swings, alright?"  
  
Emiko nodded enthusiastically, before bounding off.  
  
"Hey Anzu..." Jou whispered.  
  
Anzu was at his side in an instant, on her knees in front of the bench. "Oh my god, Jou, are you alright? What happened?"  
  
Too weak to resist questioning, Jou simply, let her cradle his head gently in her warm and slender arms. "Did someone hurt you?"  
  
Jou hesitated, then nodded, eyes shutting tiredly.  
  
"I'm gonna call Mai and have her come pick us up, okay Jou?"  
  
Jou made no reply, simply too exhausted to speak, so he let Anzu call Mai on her cell phone, while he leaned into her warmth. He was too cold. Everything was getting too dark. And Anzu's voice became too quiet.  
  
*****Just to clarify, this is a flashback, and it's not the full scene.*****  
  
Sighing boredly, Jou dangled his foot over the side of the bed, wearing his normal jeans and t-shirt. Seto was late, as usual, but he didn't mind. Or at least he pretended not to mind, while it really tore him up inside.  
  
Mokuba was out of the house for the night, away at a school camp retreat, leaving the mansion empty and ghost-like.  
  
The front door slammed, audibly even from the second floor, where Jou was waiting. "Seto?"  
  
He got no actual response, until he SAW Seto, standing in the doorway. But something was different.  
  
Seto's normally pressed and smooth silk clothes were rumpled, his brown hair shaggy and disheveled.  
  
"God, Seto, what happened to you?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as he stood, moving to the doorway to greet his lover.  
  
Seto gave a lopsided grin, before he clumsily grabbed Jou by the wrists and pulled him into a kiss.  
  
Jou made no protests as he leaned into him, wrapping his arms around Seto's neck, but he did grimace. There was a taste in Seto's mouth that he didn't enjoy.  
  
'Where have I tasted that before?'  
  
Seto was somewhat more aggressive than normal as he led them back to the bed, pushing Jou onto it and covering his body.  
  
Jou's eyes snapped open, and he tried to pull away. The taste...  
  
It was that very taste he had experienced the night his father had been sent to jail, the day his life had changed, and the moment he had left his childhood behind.  
  
It was the taste of someone being drunk.  
  
Finally, he managed to push Seto off, his pulse racing. "Seto... S-stop..."  
  
Of course, there was no way for him to know that his lover, the one who had promised never to hurt him, was too intoxicated to listen.  
  
"C'mere..."  
  
Jou froze as Seto pulled him close again, then grit his teeth, struggling. "Seto, I mean it! Stop!"  
  
But Seto didn't stop.  
  
In what seemed like annoyance, he grabbed both of Jou's wrists in one hand and forcefully pinned them down.  
  
"Seto, please!"  
  
Jou was in a panic now. When it came to physical strength, Seto was much more powerful.  
  
Sloppy kisses rained down on his neck, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't relax or get comfortable. "S-Seto p-please..."  
  
*****You can read again. The rest will prolly be in a later chapter...*****  
  
The next thing Jou heard was the sound of his best friend's voice, which was somewhere above him.  
  
"Yami, he looks so pale... And Anzu said he was hurt... What's wrong with him?"  
  
'Anzu musta taken me ta Yug's house...'  
  
"I'm not sure Aibou... Should we call Kaiba?"  
  
'No!'  
  
Jou's hand twitched lightly as he struggled to show them he was awake, and his eyes opened ever so slightly. The light seemed to blind him, and he groaned.  
  
"Jou?" Yugi asked hopefully.  
  
"Jounouchi?" Yami asked.  
  
Jou shivered, then sat up, wincing as it jarred his tender muscles. "Back by popular demand..." He murmured playfully, rubbing his eyes to hide the forming tears.  
  
Yugi went to hug him, but thankfully, Yami stopped him. "He's hurt, Aibou."  
  
In complete understanding, Yugi simply placed a hand on Jou's shoulder. "What happened, Jou?"  
  
Jou frowned. This was not something he intended to share with his best friend. "I'd rather not talk about it..."  
  
"Do you want us to call-"  
  
"NO!" Jou winced at the tone of his own voice, and he closed his eyes, before looking at Yami again.  
  
"Sorry... But no... Please don' call Kaiba."  
  
Yami frowned, but said nothing. Yugi however, wanted answers. "Why, Jou? Haven't you been living with him?"  
  
Jou nearly flinched. "Yug... yer grandpa is outta town, right? Can I stay with you?"  
  
Yugi frowned, mirroring Yami so well it was scary. "I suppose..."  
  
"Thanks..." Jou murmured, looking down again.  
  
It was at that moment the doorbell rang, and Yugi had to excuse himself to answer it.  
  
"The shop's closed..." He muttered under his breath, before heading for the door.  
  
Jou sighed, willing himself not to start crying again as he awaited Yugi's return. He was lying on the couch in the living room, a thin blanket covering him. Yami sat on the couch across from him.  
  
He didn't like the way Yami's eyes widened when Yugi came back.  
  
And he didn't like the voice he heard, from the person who had followed Yugi inside.  
  
"Jou?"  
  
Seto Kaiba.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Yay. Some more on what happened to Jou. And no, it's not gonna be "Forgive me, I didn't know what I was doing!"  
  
"...Okay! I love you!"  
  
"I love you too!"  
  
...That would annoy me to no end. R/R? Onegai? 


	3. One Week

Dancing All Alone  
  
  
  
A/N: This brings back memories of when I used to update every day! ::sighs:: Oh well. Just to warn you, if you're expecting some kind of mushy make-up, you're going to get it. NOT. Pure ANGST!! MWAHAHAHA! Except maybe the ending. It might surprise you.  
  
*****  
  
Jou couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. Couldn't see.  
  
Hell, he didn't know if he was even alive anymore. But that was confirmed when a hand grasped his shoulder lightly, and he took a deep and painful breath, jerking away. His body seemed to move on its own as it edged away from Seto, who had walked around the couch and was trying to contact him again.  
  
"I th-thought I told you I wanted n-nothin' ta do with you." He heard himself say.  
  
The flash of pain in Seto's eyes hurt him even further. He didn't like the idea of Seto hurting, though he couldn't forgive what had happened. And even if he loved Seto more than he could express, even if he felt he couldn't live on if he couldn't be in Seto's arms, it was too soon to be near him. Too soon to confront his emotions, his past, his nightmares.  
  
"Jou.. Please, I don't remember what happened.. What I. Did. Please, just talk to me."  
  
It figured. Jou felt his heart wrench. Seto didn't even remember it. But that still didn't change the fact that he had done it. He had become the man Jou had feared since he was but a child, even after swearing he would never EVER hurt him.  
  
"What could there be to talk about?" His voice didn't even shake. It was like being detached.  
  
"Jou-"  
  
"Quit CALLIN' me that! Don' talk ta me like I'm still.. Yours."  
  
Yugi shifted at those words, looking to the floor. Seto flinched. "Jounouchi. Please. At least tell me what I did?"  
  
Wrapping his arms around himself, Jou stared at the floor as well. "No. Jus' go away. Jus' go."  
  
Seto, who had been searching for Jou ever since he had been able to crawl from his shower and get dressed, fell to his knees. "I'm begging you Jounouchi. Give me anything to believe I can make this right. Please."  
  
Jou looked up, allowing his eyes to meet Seto's. Bad idea.  
  
The moment their eyes met, Jou felt himself sinking, felt his mind screaming at him to forgive him, to jump into his arms and never let go, but then the memory came back, and he flinched, looking away.  
  
Seto was both glad and horrified when Jou met his eyes, for the look in those amber eyes made the emotional knife in his heart twist.  
  
"I dunno if you can, Kaiba."  
  
Yami stood. "I have an idea. If you ask me, this is too soon. Kaiba, find out what caused this, and stay away. Jou, give Kaiba one week, while you sort things out, and make a decision."  
  
Seto opened his mouth to object, then closed it. There was no use, and if Jou agreed, he would be forced to as well.  
  
"I. Yeah, a week. I'll talk to him in a week." Jou mumbled, wanting more than anything for Seto to just leave.  
  
A week may have been just what he needed to calm down, to get a grip on reality, and maybe allow Seto back in his life.  
  
Or it could serve for more bitter time to dwell on his anger, pain, and fear.  
  
But that seemed to be the final verdict, as Seto stood, eyes downcast. "I love you, Jounouchi Katsuya. And I swear, that with everything I am, I will make this right again. No matter what it takes."  
  
A minute passed before Jou dared to look up at him, only to find him gone.  
  
*****  
  
The sun turned red that evening, as if the star itself were upset by the happenings of the previous night. A dark blue trench coat fluttered angrily as the owner stalked towards KaibaCorp.  
  
"I want answers. And I know just where to get them."  
  
Even the people on the streets cleared the way for the young CEO, the look on his face smoldering enough to make the chilled night feel like a summer afternoon. He angrily slammed the glass door open, not caring that he put a crack in the supposedly strong glass.  
  
The elevator ride took too long. He debated stopping it, in favor of running the stairs, then shook his head, trying to calm himself. He needed to keep his cool, lest he wind up KILLING someone.  
  
"Kaiba-sama, hello!" One of his workers said, smiling.  
  
He shoved past the man, barging into a meeting that the board members of his newest project were having.  
  
"Ah, Kaiba-sama! Didja have a good night?"  
  
Seto's eyes flashed with anger. "I want to know what happened last night."  
  
A few of them had the nerve to chuckle, oblivious to what their little 'prank' had done.  
  
"You had fun for once?"  
  
Seto hissed, and a young woman coughed nervously. "We gave you a drink or two at the congratulation party..."  
  
"AND?"  
  
They winced. "What's wrong? We just wanted to get you to loosen up.. So we gave you a few drinks... Even though you only said one..."  
  
The young woman spoke again. "We didn't mean to upset you... But you only wanted one, and so we kinda... added more when you weren't looking... Until you were too drunk to notice, then too drunk to care, so you had more..."  
  
Seto clenched his fists trembling with anger. "You're all fired."  
  
"WHAT?!" The twelve stood immediately, shock on their faces.  
  
"It was only-"  
  
"What? A joke? A harmless prank? A few drinks!? Do you have ANY IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?! WHAT I HAVE DONE?!"  
  
"K-Kaiba-Sama..."  
  
"I want you all out of here, NOW! Before I decide to make it so you NEVER work in this COUNTRY ever AGAIN!" His voice boomed in the small meeting room, and he didn't even look back as he stalked out, tears in his eyes.  
  
He didn't know why it hurt so badly to find out it was his own stupidity that got him there, and he didn't know what he did. He didn't know if things would get better, or if they would get even worse.  
  
But there was one thing he did know. He felt like a monster.  
  
*****  
  
Yugi watched worriedly as Jou slept, tossing and turning. He had given Jou the guest room, and almost instantly, the blonde teen had passed out.  
  
Yami wrapped his arms around Yugi's shoulders, sighing into his hair. "Aibou, we have to let him talk when he wants to..."  
  
"I know, Yami... But I'm still so worried... He hates it when people call him Jounouchi too..."  
  
Yugi sniffled, leaning up into him. After a few more minutes, Yami sighed again.  
  
"C'mon Aibou. You need to get to sleep now. You've done all you can."  
  
When he received no answer, he looked down at him. "Aibou,-"  
  
A smile touched his lips. Yugi was asleep, head snuggled against his chest.  
  
Picking him up with ease, he carried him back to his own room, lying him down on the bed. He curled up next to him, gathering him protectively in strong arms.  
  
"Goodnight Aibou."  
  
"Mm...Night...Yami..."  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Okay... R/R? ^_^D 


	4. How Am I Going To Tell Niisama?

Dancing All Alone  
  
A/N: ::sighs:: I'm sorry everyone, but even though I know what I want to do with all my fics, A Distant Promise and One Last Breath have come to roadblocks, and I have yet to plow out. I figure when I get some of this S/J Angst off my chest, I can focus back on Y/Y and B/R, which are what I need for the next chapters of those two stories...  
  
*****  
  
Jou was ready to talk.  
  
Not ready to talk as in he was prepared to visibly spill his heart out to someone who caused him pain and confusion, whom he still loved, but ready to talk as in he was ready to give in to Yugi's constant pleading.  
  
So he sat there, in Yugi's room, door shut and light on, Yami nearby. They sat across from each other on the bed, and of course, Jou made no complaints when Yugi crawled into Yami's lap and snuggled into him, getting ready to hear it all.  
  
He figured Yugi might need Yami for moral support anyway.  
  
It wasn't long before Yugi looked up at him with innocent amethyst eyes, nodding that he was ready to listen, and Jou opened his mouth, years of stress and tension coming back to haunt him. He hadn't spoken of the incident since the night it happened, and here he was ready to just tell it all, as well as the remake that had occurred only three days earlier.  
  
That's right, three days. He hadn't seen or spoken to Seto, as agreed, and he didn't know whether it had helped or not.  
  
"Okay... Where ta start..."  
  
"At the beginning?" Yami said quietly, arms locked around his Aibou.  
  
Jou nodded, taking another deep breath. "It started when I was eight... Now no interruptions here, but... I lied to everyone about... The circumstances of me movin' in with my mother..."  
  
He was thankful when neither said anything, but he hated the look of hurt in Yugi's eyes. Yugi was his best friend. He never lied to Yugi.  
  
Except that once.  
  
"Now don't get me wrong, I trust ya very much Yug, and if I had to tell anyone, it would be you... But... It was..."  
  
Another shaky breath, and Jou continued.  
  
"My dad used ta hit me a lot after the divorce... Nothin' real big, just a few smacks here and there... until the day I turned eight years old... Apparently, the guy had a problem with that, and he had just gotten fired, so he went out and got drunk... I'll always hate drunks... Because that night... My father came home... And..."  
  
Tears spilled down his cheeks before he even realized he was crying, and he reached up to wipe them away, forcing a laugh. "S-sorry... Here I am blubbering when I should be talkin'..."  
  
Yugi reached up and brushed the tears away with gentle fingers, eyes filled with concern. "It's alright to cry Jou..."  
  
The sound of the young voice letting him no it was okay to cry was all it took to open the floodgates further, making him shake with heaving sobs.  
  
Understandingly, Yami withdrew from Yugi so that the boy could comfort his best friend, which he did, wrapping his small arms around trembling shoulders, and patting his back. "I'm here for you Jou..."  
  
There was a knock at the door, which made all three jump.  
  
"I'll get it..." Yami murmured, standing instantly and leaving the room.  
  
Jou looked at the door, tears still cascading down his face, as he leaned into Yugi's arms, welcoming the comforting embrace.  
  
There was a silence, not the awkward kind, but the kind where no one wanted to disturb the moment, before the door opened again several minutes later, to reveal an upset Yami, and a disheveled Mokuba.  
  
"M-Mokuba?" Jou stuttered, pulling away from Yugi.  
  
Mokuba stared up at him, eyes wide. "Why did you leave Niisama?!"  
  
Yami put a hand on Mokuba's shoulder. "I thought I said no questions about that..."  
  
Mokuba shook, eyes filling with tears. "Jou, niisama can't sleep, can't eat, can't run his company... What did he do?! He's obsessed with finding out, but he can't remember! He even fired the guys at the company who tricked him into getting drunk!"  
  
Jou looked into Mokuba's eyes, for the first time since he had entered. "He didn't get drunk for the fun of it?"  
  
Mokuba shook his head. "Niisama would never! He fired all the people involved, had anything alcoholic removed from the house... God, he even burned his bed and the sheets!"  
  
At those words, Jou felt somewhat calmed, but he still couldn't go back, still couldn't bring himself to forgive Seto. Hell, there was no way he could ever tell Seto what had happened... He needed Seto to find out somehow.  
  
"Mokuba... Tell... K-Kaiba... That I still love him... But I can't... Just can't..." His voice cracked, and he took a deep breath. "I'm not ready fer this Mokuba... I'm not..."  
  
Mokuba opened his mouth to protest, then got a better idea. "Fine... I'll let myself out now... But please give Niisama a chance..."  
  
Jou nodded, and Mokuba left. It wasn't long before they all heard the front door shut, and Yami closed Yugi's door, moving back to the bed. "I'm sorry... He was very adamant."  
  
"S'okay Yami... Now where was I? Oh yeah... The... The night my dad came home drunk..."  
  
Yugi squeezed his hand, then looked up with concerned eyes. Yami didn't like the way this was heading. It seemed to him, from Mokuba's words, and from Jou's, that whatever Jou's father had done, Seto had repeated. Yugi had yet to see that, but Yami caught it easily.  
  
"He'd never really hurt me too bad before... I was a stubborn kid anyway. I took it... But that night, he did somethin' different... And I remember the taste of that foul stuff... I can never drink alcohol... It makes me sick.  
  
But he hurt me real bad that night... And I ended up callin' mom in the middle of the night, crying and whimpering into the phone... Until she and the police came ta the house... I learned a new vocabulary word that night at the hospital while I was bein' questioned. Rape. And then I learned another word. Incest."  
  
Yugi's eyes had gone from horrified to mortified to just plain disgusted, and he threw his arms around his best friend.  
  
"Oh Jou... I'm so sorry!"  
  
Jou pat Yugi on the back, tears threatening to fall again. "S'okay Yug.. it ain't yer fault."  
  
Yami crossed his arms, frowning. "Then... If Kaiba came home drunk...?"  
  
Jou flinched. "I got scared... The taste... It was there... I-I... I told him ta stop... But he didn't... And it hurt... So much... Every second I thought I was gonna die... Thought he was my father... I woulda left in the middle of the night if I'd had the strength..."  
  
Yugi's eyes went wide as he pulled back slightly. "Seto...?"  
  
Jou nodded. "He hurt me in a way that few people can..."  
  
"And he has no recollection of this?" Yami asked.  
  
Again, Jou flinched. "I guess not... Don' get me wrong, I still love him, and I only partially blame him... But it's too soon... He don' know about my father neither... And I can't face him until he knows... What he did... And until I can face my past..."  
  
Yugi hugged him tighter. "Jou... I just want to know one thing... Why didn't you tell me before?"  
  
Jou sighed, hugging Yugi tightly. "I didn't want ya ta pity me... I wanted to be normal..."  
  
"I wouldn't have pitied you Jou... I would have gone down to the jail and told that bastard to go to hell!"  
  
Yami and Jou both blinked, then made eye contact, each equally shocked.  
  
"That's it Yami, no more talking around Yugi!"  
  
Yami scowled. "I didn't say things like that in front of him!"  
  
Smiling, Yugi pulled away and wiped his eyes. "I'm not THAT innocent you guys!"  
  
Jou ruffled Yugi's hair. "Sure. Sure."  
  
Yugi pouted. "I'm not..."  
  
The three boys began to converse about happier subjects, joking at each other like best friends would.  
  
None of them noticed when a young boy with shaggy black hair stepped away from the door with wide eyes.  
  
None of them noticed when the front door opened and shut, letting him leave.  
  
Mokuba Kaiba was crying.  
  
One question nagged at his young mind, in the midst of the horror he felt.  
  
'How am I gonna tell this to Niisama?'  
  
*****  
  
A/N: I am so evil... R/R? I'm getting to an end here soon... I want to have a vote... Who DOESN'T want them to get back together?  
  
~C.o.L. 


	5. Do You?

Dancing All Alone  
  
A/N: Gomen for not updating sooner! I got hooked on Gravitation, and had to go read a bunch of Shuichi/Yuki fics! ::Kills the lead singer of Ask:: Anyway... I've gotten a lot of feedback on the Jou/Seto situation... But I make no promises. Except to Dee-chan and Su-chan, because they BEGGED me... And that was the way it was gonna be anyway.  
  
*****  
  
Empty.  
  
That's how it felt.  
  
Utterly empty.  
  
Seto Kaiba lay staring at the ceiling, fresh tears in his eyes. He had spent countless hours explaining to himself that it wasn't all his fault. That Jou didn't mean the world to him. That his world didn't revolve around the young golden-haired puppy. Of course, after finishing, he had cried his eyes out and hugged his pillow, wishing it were the aforementioned party.  
  
Someone once said "I've lived without it before, I can live without it again."  
  
After thinking long and hard about that statement, Seto wanted to shoot whoever said it.  
  
At first, he seemed to think it would work. He had lived without Jou for many years. He could surely do it again. Then he thought longer, and realized that for a few years, he had lived without Mokuba too. And then the boy had been born.  
  
'Can I live without Mokuba again?'  
  
The child's face flashed through his mind and he felt sick. 'NEVER!'  
  
The same thing applied for Jou. For some reason, out of all his possessions and acquaintances, Mokuba and Jou were the two he could not picture his life without.  
  
'Why? What makes them so different?'  
  
Love.  
  
The exemption to that stupid statement.  
  
Yes, he loved his little brother, and yes, he loved his puppy. So after hearing that expression again, he had flipped off a random object and buried his face in his pillow.  
  
"Jou..." He whispered, trembling amongst the sheets. He had moved to a guest room, unable to bear his own room. The bed had been bad enough, but the moment he entered the room, he was hit by the scent of Jou.  
  
He looked to the ground, only to see traces of Jou's things, random little things he would have thought of as annoying before.  
  
Bending down, he picked up a small stuffed puppy, something he had given Jou as a joke on the boy's birthday.  
  
With a sickened and disgusted cry directed towards himself, he threw it across the room and fell to his knees.  
  
"I'm sorry..." He had whispered, over and over again, making his body shake.  
  
Nothing he did could rid himself of the empty feeling in his heart, nothing he said could make his disgust at himself go away.  
  
It didn't quite dawn on him how much he needed Jou in his life. Jou balanced him out. Jou held him up. Jou completed him.  
  
"I can't do this without you..." He had choked, as if the walls would take pity on him where others would not.  
  
But now he lay, in a clean bed in the guest room, devoid of any memories of Jou, clutching a pillow against his frame helplessly.  
  
He hadn't had the strength to do much else.  
  
After firing his employees, he had come home to find the bloodied bed and sheets, and in a furious rage, dragged them out back and burned them, weeping bitterly.  
  
Though he had no memory of what he'd done, the clues all pointed to one thing.  
  
Rape.  
  
It didn't take a genius to figure it out, but the fact that Seto was one only sped up the thinking process.  
  
'I hurt him. I did it. I bring him pain. I don't deserve to live. I am scum.'  
  
A soft tap on his door jarred him from his thoughts, and he looked to the entrance with blank eyes.  
  
"Niisama..."  
  
That's right. Mokuba had gone to check on Jou for him.  
  
Sitting up, he motioned for his brother to come over, who quickly walked to him, eyes filled with tears. Seto was surprised however, when Mokuba climbed up into his lap and wrapped his tiny arms around his waist, holding him tightly.  
  
Shock wore off, and Seto found himself hugging back tightly, crying into Mokuba's hair. "H-how w-was he?" he asked clinging to the boy tightly.  
  
Mokuba closed his eyes, squeezing his brother. "Niisama... I f-found out what happened... From Jou's point of view..."  
  
Pulling back with wide eyes, Seto stared in horror. Now his brother knew? He felt sick again.  
  
"N-Niisama, I'm not upset or disgusted by you... But I f-found out that it wasn't just what you did to him..."  
  
With horror-filled eyes, Seto shook slightly. "Tell me?" He pleaded.  
  
He hated showing such weakness in front of his kid brother, but he had no one else to go to. His brother was all he had left in a crumbling world he had been able to facade happiness in.  
  
"... Niisama, do you know what you did to him?"  
  
The word cut like a knife, but the CEO nodded.  
  
"You weren't the first."  
  
It took several minutes for those four words to register, before Seto felt the bile rising in his throat. "Wh-what?"  
  
Mokuba bit his lip, hugging him tightly again. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I wanted to know! I'm sorry Niisama! It was none of my business, but I had to find out what was wrong! I didn't mean to invade his privacy! His father raped him when he was eight years old, and the alcohol scared him when he kissed you, so he went back to his memories and saw his father and not you! It wasn't just you, Niisama!"  
  
Mokuba was crying by then, his tiny frame shaking with sobs.  
  
Seto was in shock again.  
  
And then the bile pushed violently, but he forced it down, instead clinging to his brother even tighter, tears streaming down his face.  
  
So that was the secret his love had kept from him. And what better way to find out, than becoming the monster that plagued his nightmares?  
  
"M-Mokuba... I n-need to go..."  
  
In understanding, Mokuba looked up at him, edging away. "Please promise me something?"  
  
Seto looked at him in confusion. "Anything."  
  
"Come back?"  
  
It took a moment for Seto to realize what the words meant, and then he found himself hugging his brother tightly.  
  
Mokuba was scared of him committing suicide.  
  
"Itouto-chan, I will NEVER leave you alone, alright?"  
  
Crying again, Mokuba could only cling, nodding his head in Seto's chest.  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Promise."  
  
And if there was one thing in the world Mokuba Kaiba counted on, it was his brother's promises.  
  
*****  
  
The park was cold again.  
  
Shivering, Seto Kaiba pulled his trench coat around his chest, taking a seat on a park bench. The swing set was directly to his left, and when he looked over, he was surprised to see a young girl sitting on the swings, eyes downcast. She had brown hair and a pink shirt with blue jeans, and it was obvious she was very young.  
  
She was singing softly.  
  
"Do you, do you want me? Do you love me, forever and ever. Do you, do you need me? Never leave me... When we are together..."  
  
He also noted that her song was older than her understanding of it.  
  
She continued to sing, and he noted the way her voice was sad, even with her upbeat tune.  
  
"Stop kidding me, stop fooling me, stop using me, what's it gonna be? Do you, do you want me? Do you love me, forever and ever. Do you, do you need me? Never leave me... When we are together... Do you, do you want me? Do you love me, forever and ever. Do you, do you need me? Never leave me... When we are together..."  
  
Seto looked to his lap. Her words cut through him. She was reminding him too much of Jou. His answers were yes to almost every lyric.  
  
'Yes I want you, yes I love you, yes I need you, and I'll never leave you...' He thought with a fresh wave of tears. 'Jou you have no idea how much.... Just how much you mean to me...'  
  
"Do you, do you want me? Do you love me, forever and ever. Do you, do you need me? Never leave me... When we are together... Do you, do you want me? Do you love me, forever and ever. Do you, do you need me? Never leave me... Don't ever leave me, alone!"  
  
The girl sniffled, and against his better judgment, Seto found himself walking to her, getting on his knees so he could be at eye level.  
  
The girl recoiled. "Who are you? Mommy said not to talk to strangers..."  
  
Seto smiled lightly, wiping his tears away. "I won't hurt you. I heard your song. You sing very well."  
  
The girl beamed. "Thank you! Mommy says so too!"  
  
"My name's Seto Kaiba."  
  
"I'm Emiko!"  
  
Seto had to smile at the girl's refreshing attitude. 'At least I can make someone stop crying...' he thought wryly.  
  
"What are you doing out here Emiko? It's late... Aren't your mother and father worried?"  
  
The girl's eyes saddened. "I don't have a daddy... He hurt mommy, and I've never met him. I have another mommy though!"  
  
Seto blinked. 'She has two mothers?'  
  
"How cute... Two nice little toys to play with." A somewhat drunken voice said.  
  
Emiko blinked. "Toys? Where?"  
  
Seto had to hiss. 'Damn perverts.'  
  
Standing, he turned around to find two guys, both looking ragged and drunk, who were smirking at them. "If I were you, I'd take a second to reconsider your lives... Considering that if you come anywhere near me or this child, they will end abruptly and painfully."  
  
The guys, for what seemed like the first time, noticed who they were dealing with, and backed off, into the dark night.  
  
Seto sighed angrily. 'Why do people do this to each other!? They would hurt this little girl... And I'm no better! I hurt the one I love! What right do I have to be disgusted with them!?'  
  
"Th-thank you mister Seto... They looked scary..."  
  
Seto's attention turned to the little girl on the swing, and he calmed.  
  
'That is a reason.'  
  
"Where do you live, Emiko? You should go home..."  
  
"I don't wanna go home! Mommy got upset by something, and my other mommy tried to make her happy, and they wouldn't tell me what!"  
  
Seto offered his hand, and the girl took it, blinking when he picked her up. "But I'm sure both of them care for you greatly... Don't you think they miss you? Don't you think they're sorry for what they did? I'm sure if they knew it hurt you, they'd do anything to take it back..."  
  
It almost seemed funny when he realized what he was saying. He was spilling his heart to a child who didn't even know it, and he was helping her in the process.  
  
'Jou... I care for you too... And if you never forgive me... At least know that...' he thought helplessly.  
  
The girl looked up at him with bright eyes, which were bright blue and oddly familiar. "... You think so?"  
  
"I know so."  
  
"Then I wanna go home!"  
  
Seto almost smiled. It helped lift the weight off his shoulders knowing he was doing something good with his pathetic life. He saw so much of Jou in the girl's innocence that he felt like crying again.  
  
But thankfully, a voice pierced the night, and he didn't have any more time to think about stuff like that.  
  
"Emiko-chan! Emiko-chan, where are you?!"  
  
Unfortunately, the voice made his eyes widen.  
  
A young woman, only seventeen, ran up to the two, panting. Her head was bowed, brown hair cascading over her shoulders. A familiar voice spoke. "Oh Emiko-chan, you worried us!"  
  
"I'm sorry...."  
  
"A-Anzu....?"  
  
Anzu's head shot up. "Oh God, Seto?"  
  
Emiko reached for Anzu, and numbly, Seto handed her over.  
  
"Mommy, this nice man helped me out! And he made me not-mad at you and my other mommy!"  
  
But Anzu couldn't break eye contact with Seto.  
  
"Let's get inside, where it's warm, and we'll talk..." She murmured, speaking both to Seto and Emiko."  
  
*****  
  
Anzu smiled softly down at Emiko's sleeping form, brushing some of the girl's hair from her face. On the couch, Seto sat, still confused by Anzu's relation to the girl. He wasn't that surprised by Mai's presence in the apartment, but the fact that the two lived together with a child was another thing.  
  
"Anzu... She called you 'mommy', but you're only seventeen... Did you adopt her?"  
  
Even before he asked it, he knew the answer. Emiko just looked too much like Anzu. Then again, maybe she was a cousin or a niece?  
  
Anzu shook her head, then moved to sit by Mai on the couch. "No, Seto... She's five years old, and she is my daughter."  
  
Seto didn't want to pry, but he was curious. "How...?"  
  
"I was raped when I was twelve. I had already had my period before, when I was eleven, so I got pregnant. The sleazebag didn't even use protection."  
  
Mai hugged her, then looked to Seto. "No one else knows about Emiko. She's been keeping her secret ever since."  
  
"... Did you tell anyone about the man who did it?"  
  
Anzu chuckled bitterly. "Of course not... I was just a kid... I got my parents to let me move in with my aunt for two years, so no one would know I was pregnant, and didn't tell anyone."  
  
For a moment, Seto said nothing. Then, he trembled. "Anzu... Could you ever forgive the man who hurt you?"  
  
Anzu's eyes went to the floor, and Mai hissed. "I'd kill him..."  
  
But Anzu spoke. "I don't think so... On one hand, he ruined my life, my dreams, my innocence... Took something he didn't deserve... But on the other hand, I'd never go back and undo it... Emiko means too much to me..."  
  
It was then that the older woman spoke. "Seto, is this about Jou?"  
  
Seto flinched. He could taste the bile again.  
  
"I thought so... We found out what happened... Anzu was the one who found him in the park after it happened. Your case with Jou is different, Seto."  
  
Seto snorted bitterly, tears threatening to fall. "Not really Mai."  
  
Anzu smiled lightly. "Mai's right. You love Jou. You care about him. You're sorry for what you've done."  
  
Seto opened his mouth, but Mai continued. "That, and Jou loves YOU. He cares for you."  
  
"But he'll probably never forgive me..." He whispered, before standing. "Anzu, if you and Mai ever need any help in supporting Emiko, I'll be there... Thanks for everything... But I have to get home. Mokuba's worried."  
  
"Thanks Seto... Good luck..." Anzu whispered, standing as well and giving him a friendly hug.  
  
Seto blinked, then hugged her back, before leaving the apartment.  
  
'Jou... Come back to me... Please...'  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Bet ya weren't expecting THAT one! Heh... R/R? Onegai? ::puppy eyes:: 


	6. Vulnerability

Dancing All Alone  
  
A/N: Does anyone else think Jou's being unrealistic...? I got a review from someone saying Jou was being unfair, and that him seeing his father during the rape was a stupid idea pretty much. I decided not to continue, because I thought maybe that person was right, considering I suck at writing, but then Dee-chan and Kat-chan started yelling at me, and Dee-chan really REALLY helped convince me to keep going... So here it is.  
  
*****  
  
Six days.  
  
He had one more.  
  
And then it was time to make a decision that could easily kill his heart.  
  
Go back to Seto, or leave him for good.  
  
Jou shivered, looking up at the building with reluctant eyes. He didn't want to be there. But he had to do it.  
  
He walked in, answering all questions and avoiding all eyes. He didn't dare think about his surroundings, or the people he walked past, cold concrete on every side. Taking a seat in the white plastic chair, he looked at the chunk of plastic and the cube-like box he sat in.  
  
He was in a jail.  
  
It wasn't long before a man took a seat on the other side of the window, eyes widening. He got over his shock, picking up the phone to talk.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Jou picked up his phone.  
  
"Hi dad."  
  
The man, unshaven with golden hair and amber eyes to match his son's, continued to look at him.  
  
"What are you doing here, Jounouchi?"  
  
Jou flinched. His father sounded forlorn, looking haggard in his orange jail suit. Discarding his normally effervescent attitude, Jou sighed.  
  
"I came to just... Talk."  
  
"Talk? I don't think I deserve that."  
  
Jou blinked. "What?"  
  
"Do you think I deserve to even look at you Jounouchi?"  
  
Jou was at a loss for words. This wasn't the scenario he imagined. His father was a cruel man who took pleasure in other people's pain.  
  
"I... Don' know..."  
  
"Jounouchi, I won't lie to you. I'm a monster."  
  
Jou was silent.  
  
"Nothing could ever make up for what I've done. I would never deserve anything that could make up for that anyway."  
  
"Dad..."  
  
"How can you stand being anywhere near me?"  
  
Jou looked into his eyes. Was this an act? Or was it sincere? After studying him for a long time, Jou gave a shaky sigh.  
  
"I had ta talk to ya... I dunno... I just... I've been ignoring it for so long... I thought it might be time to confront it..."  
  
Niko Katsuya frowned. "Someone hurt you?"  
  
Jou's eyes went wide, and he gaped. The phone trembled in his hand. "H-how did you..."  
  
"I can tell... I've only seen you like this once... When it was I who hurt you. Tell me...?"  
  
Closing his eyes, Jou felt the tears flooding back to him. "My lover. Seto Kaiba."  
  
"Your lover?"  
  
Jou nodded. "I've been with him for a while now... I love him... And I know he loves me... But six nights ago, he came home drunk... And when he kissed me, I tasted it... And I..." Jou choked on his words, tears pouring down his face as he crumpled against the table shoulders shaking.  
  
Niko watched with pained eyes. "Joun-Jou..." He said quietly through the phone.  
  
Jou had yet to recompose himself as he only barely held the phone against his ear.  
  
"You remembered me and it was rape when he touched you." Niko finished.  
  
Jou could only nod, memories flooding back to him.  
  
"Have you spoken to him since?"  
  
Jou whimpered. "I-I t-told hi-him I n-needed a w-week t-to think ab-bout th- things..."  
  
"And it ends tomorrow..."  
  
"H-hai..."  
  
Niko sighed, placing one of his hands on the plastic window near Jou's face as the boy looked up.  
  
"Do you forgive him?"  
  
Jou trembled. "I-I don' know..."  
  
Pushing some hair from his own face, Niko sighed. "Jou, I know you can never truly forgive me for what happened.... But if this boy loves you, and if you love him, that's something you can't give up... You have no idea how much it hurts to inflict pain on someone you love, and then to realize what you've done, with no way to reverse it."  
  
"D-dad..." Jou let the words sink in. "Does this mean you...?"  
  
Pain.  
  
Real pain flashed through the amber eyes of his father. "If there were anything I could change in my life, it would be that night. If I had known what would happen that night, I would have killed myself on the way home..."  
  
Trust.  
  
Actual trust flitted through Jou's heart. The words took years of pain off of his mind, and he found himself raising his hand to the plastic to meet his dad's. "Did you ever... love me?"  
  
Niko nodded, gripping the phone so tightly his knuckles turned white. "I do still. You're my son, even if I don't deserve to be your father."  
  
For several moments, Jou sat there, staring into the eyes of a man he thought he'd never see again. His heart ached to have a father back in his life, though he didn't fully trust the man, and he choked on a sob again, before he was able to clear his throat and speak.  
  
"I n-never stopped loving y-you either... I just couldn't unders-stand why y-you..."  
  
"Jou, you don't have to love me..." Niko said, though his voice was strained. "But if you still do... Then it means I have a reason to live again..."  
  
Jou was silent for a moment, before he stood, hanging up the phone, and leaving. He found the first guard he could, and pleaded. He needed to feel his father's words in person, not through the confines of a plastic and concrete box.  
  
"Niko Katsuya... He's my father... Can I please visit him in person, with now windows or nothin...?"  
  
"No can do, kid. He's a child molester, and it would be wrong for me to let you in there."  
  
Jou's eyes, which had already turned red from crying, went wide. "But he's my father.. I haven't seen him since I was eight.. And he's changed! I know he has! The only child he ever hurt was me, and I trust him not to right now!"  
  
Okay, so he was laying it on thick, and he didn't quite believe all his words, but he still needed to see his father face to face.  
  
The guard frowned, then shook his head. "I'm too much of a softy for tears... I'll give you twenty minutes, and then you're leaving."  
  
Jou nodded gratefully, shivering. "Arigatou."  
  
When they got back to the room, Niko was shocked to see his son still there. "Jou? I thought you'd left..." He said, the moment the guard opened the door.  
  
Jou shifted from foot to foot. The guard left, knowing that he was interrupting a difficult moment for both blondes.  
  
In his vulnerable state, Jou could only whisper his words, needing some form of comfort. "All I ever wanted was a father who cared about me..."  
  
Niko's eyes went wide, and he took a step forward, hand outstretched.  
  
"Please don' be lying to me.. I wouldn't be able ta take it if this was all an act..."  
  
Jou gasped, flinching when a hand clasped down on his shoulder, but before he could move away, he was pulled roughly against his father.  
  
Fear coursed through him in torrents, and he tried to push away, only to find that they were both sinking to their knees, and that his father had yet to hurt him.  
  
It was a hug.  
  
He was being hugged.  
  
Something normal fathers did with their kids.  
  
Something that meant it was safe.  
  
Niko had only been to eager to hold his son in his arms again, to remember he might scare him.  
  
But now that Jou knew everything was okay, he felt himself go lax, clutching his father to him tightly as the tears began again, making him hiccup.  
  
"I don' know what I ever did ta make ya mad at me, and I'm sorry.. But please just don' be lying... I need you too... As much as I need Seto... As much as I need mom and Shizuka..." Jou whimpered.  
  
Niko, having once thought he forgot everything there was to being a father, pulled Jou into a cradling position, a few tears sliding down his unshaven face.  
  
"None of it was EVER your fault Jou! Don't EVER think it was!"  
  
Most of their time was spent just holding onto one another, both craving the emotions the other brought, form having not had them for so long. So many years Jou had shut him out, unable to even think about him, only to have all his mental barriers crash to the ground and crumble with the thought that his father might still love him.  
  
And Seto...  
  
"Oh God, dad... I have to find Seto..."  
  
In understanding, Niko released his son. "I know I shouldn't ask this of you.. But will you ever visit me again...?"  
  
Jou managed a half smile, nodding as he wiped at his eyes. "I have to find out who you are..." He murmured, before he turned away. "No matter how long it takes."  
  
And then he left, with renewed confidence in himself and in his heart. Ever since the incident, he had pushed away any memories of his father, locked them in a cedar chest and thrown them into the ocean to never be seen again.  
  
But he never forgot him, and he never stopped wanting his love.  
  
He would never truly be able to forgive his father, and he would never truly heal form that fateful night. But rediscovering a bond long since severed was all the push he needed to make him take that first step in rebuilding his shattered life.  
  
Leaving the prison, he took off in a run, towards the most important place in his world.  
  
The Kaiba Mansion.  
  
*****  
  
"Niisama...?"  
  
Seto continued to stare at the clock, knees pulled to his chest. "It's almost time Mokuba... The week is almost over..."  
  
Mokuba nodded. "You can see Jou tomorrow..."  
  
Seto drew in a deep breath. "Mokuba... I don't know if I can... What could I possibly say to him?"  
  
Mokuba frowned, but Seto kept talking. "There aren't even enough words in the dictionary to describe... No, there aren't even words to define how much I need him in my life, how sorry I am, and how much I love him... But all because of my STUPIDITY, I lost him!"  
  
"Ya think ya can get rid of me that easily?"  
  
Both Mokuba and Seto's heads snapped to the doorway of the guest room, and simultaneously, their jaws dropped.  
  
Jou, his golden hair mussed, and his cheeks flushed from the cold and from running, panted in the doorway.  
  
"J-Jou..." Seto whispered, closing his eyes and opening them again, just to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.  
  
It would kill him if he wrapped his arms around the boy, only to have him vanish or recoil.  
  
'Please... If any gods have mercy on me, they'll let this be real...'  
  
Mokuba quietly got up and left, casting a worried glance at his brother, and a hopeful one at Jou.  
  
The door shut, and Jou continued to stand there.  
  
Numbly, Seto got to his feet, stumbling towards him. His eyes had dark circles under them, his clothes hung off his body, and his deep blue eyes were filled with despair and need.  
  
Tears forming again in sore eyes, Jou covered the distance between them, throwing his arms around Seto's neck, and burying his face in his shoulder with a cry.  
  
"God Seto...!"  
  
Seto froze, his breath quickening. This WAS real... The feel, the emotion, the sound, the scent. Everything about the situation was playing out in a way he never imagined, and he found his arms automatically going around Jou's waist to hold him tight. "Jou?" He asked, just to make sure.  
  
Jou sobbed against him, going weak. "I need... I need you..."  
  
Seto's usually icy eyes welled up with his own tears, and he tightened his grip, burying his face in the mop of gold tresses. "Jou.... Jou!"  
  
Neither could do anything except hold the other, their hearts screaming for the assurance that they were needed. They clung desperately, neither willing to break the would-be silence, which was decorated with the occasional sob as they cried.  
  
But it wasn't over.  
  
As much as Seto wished they could just hold each other forever, never have to deal with the rest of the world, he knew it wasn't over. He still had to talk to Jou, had to make sure he was allowed to love him.  
  
Even if they needed each other, he had hurt his puppy, and he wouldn't be able to live with himself until he knew the wounds were healed, or that he could heal them eventually.  
  
'Please God... Please...'  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Not over yet... Jou is still a little timid and stuff.. He hasn't completely forgiven Seto, and the talk is in the next chappy.. ::Yawns:: Anyway R/R? Luvvies! 


	7. Falling For The First Time

Dancing All Alone  
  
A/N: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Yeah, I'm hyper... ::glomps Yugi, Yami, and all the Dark Magicians::  
  
*****  
  
They ended up on the bed.  
  
Not in any sexual way or anything.  
  
They just couldn't support themselves long enough to keep standing.  
  
So Seto sat, with his puppy clutched tightly against him. The only sound in the room was their shallow breathing and the constant ticking of the large clock on the wall.  
  
Seconds ticked by.  
  
And them it was minutes.  
  
It wasn't too long before an hour had gone by, and Seto knew he had to say something.  
  
"Joun-"  
  
"Jou." Jou interrupted, keeping his cheek pressed to Seto's shoulder as he refused to release him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Jus' Jou."  
  
Seto felt tears again, and he felt relief washing over him. "Jou..." He began again. "I know what... You went through... What I reminded you... Recreated for you..."  
  
Jou shivered against him, and he continued. "I can't tell you just how horrified at myself.. Disgusted... I am... At what I did..."  
  
"Seto, it ain't all yer fault." Jou murmured quietly, shocking the CEO into silence.  
  
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Jou pulled away, despite the obvious protests their hearts had. He reached over and clasped one of their hands together, as an assurance that he wouldn't leave.  
  
"I know ya woulda never gotten drunk like that. I know 'bout the guys ya fired..."  
  
"That still doesn't excuse me from-"  
  
"Wait." Jou spoke, meeting his eyes. "Let me talk..."  
  
Hesitantly, Seto nodded.  
  
"I went to visit my father in jail today." Seto's eyes went wide with shock, but as he agreed, he said nothing.  
  
"I haven't seen, or spoken to him, in so many years... But I figure if I can... If I can... Put it behind me, I might be able ta move on..."  
  
At Seto's confusion, Jou continued, looking down. "I guess what I'm tryin' ta say... Is that... Everyone makes mistakes... Bad ones, small ones... But I need... I need a father in my life... And I need a lover.  
  
I don't mean someone to fill the occupation neither. I mean as much as it hurts me sometimes... I can't deny that I sill gots feelings fer both of you. I can't forgive you completely fer what you did to me... But I can give us a second chance..." He murmured.  
  
Seto absorbed the words quietly, before he reached out with one hand and tilted Jou's chin to make him look back up. "You'd be willing to give me one more chance?"  
  
Jou nodded slowly and shakily. He was exposed. Out in the open for all he was, stripped to the core for the world to see. With his defenses weakened, all he could do was pray that his own vulnerability wouldn't come back to haunt him.  
  
Squeezing his hand, Seto felt two more tears run down his cheeks, and he leaned forward, closing his eyes and pressing their lips together.  
  
Jou didn't pull away. He stay still, allowing the lips to claim his own, though a spark of fear shot through him.  
  
Cinnamon.  
  
That was the taste Jou got when their kiss deepened, and he whimpered. Instead of remembering the night Seto's kiss tasted of bitter alcohol, he remembered the night they had first made love.  
  
*****  
  
"Just go ta hell Kaiba."  
  
"I'll save you a seat, puppy."  
  
The rain came down harder, soaking both teens. Jou hissed up at him, then threw a punch, slipping lightly in the mud.  
  
Seto caught his fist easily, yanking him forward, and inadvertently making their bodies press flush against each other.  
  
Both froze slightly, before Jou tried to pull away. He didn't succeed, eyes blazing with anger as he looked up at Seto, prepared to give him a torrent of insults, only to stop dead in his tracks as the icy blue seemed to open up like an ocean and swallow him.  
  
But the ocean and the Earth go together, for Jou's amber eyes had a similar affect on Seto Kaiba.  
  
As Seto looked down at him calmly, and as he panted for breath in the cold rain, their faces grew closer together, until their lips met in a frenzy of random and pent up passion.  
  
When Seto finally pulled back to allow the younger boy to breathe, both could barely support themselves, and they were shivering from both the cold and their desire.  
  
Even Jou couldn't later deny that when they got to Seto's mansion, he was only in it for the lust he felt.  
  
But it was in the sweet and tender kisses, the gentle touches, that he lost himself.  
  
*****  
  
Seto felt his mind scream with relief as he kissed the boy, feeling the submissive agreement. He moved to wrap an arm around Jou's waist to hold him close again, and was met with no resistance. His thoughts drifted back to that day in the rain, and he trembled. He needed Jou in his life. Everything had been going downhill, he had lashed out... And in turn, the greatest thing to ever happen to him, actually happened. He was given his other half, the one who made him feel safe, and wanted; the one who took away all his stress and made him whole.  
  
The kiss ended, both pulling away for air.  
  
"Jou..." Seto murmured huskily, eyes shut lightly.  
  
Jou looked down, then took a deep breath. "Seto... I'm not ready to..."  
  
Seto's eyes snapped open, and he shook his head, tilting Jou's chin to force their eyes to meet. "Jou, I wouldn't. I will never touch you without your permission. Ever."  
  
"Sorry..." Jou murmured, but Seto just shook his head again.  
  
"Jou, I don't know if you know this, but I want YOU, not SEX. I'm willing to wait forever if that's what it takes, and if we never have sex again, I don't care... Just don't leave me?"  
  
Jou flushed, tears sliding down his face. "I knew there was a reason I loved ya..."  
  
Seto grinned, kissing his cheek, before he pulled him close again, lying them down. They were both physically and mentally exhausted, and they needed some sleep.  
  
As the two slumbered, the door opened, and Mokuba peeked in, smiling at the happiness on his brother's face as the pair slept.  
  
*****  
  
The park was a cold place.  
  
That didn't stop Yami and Yugi for going on a leisurely stroll, hands clasped and fingers intertwined. It had been several months since Jou had gone back to Seto's, crying. It had been several months since Seto had Jou's father put on probation, and several months since the group was introduced to a child named Emiko.  
  
"Ne, Yami-chan..."  
  
Yami looked down at the blushing boy, the word 'Kawaii' screaming in his mind. "Yes, Aibou?"  
  
Yugi blushed even more, looking to the lightly snow-covered ground. "Do you love me?"  
  
Yami grinned, pulling Yugi to the swings. He sat down, pulling Yugi into his lap as he kissed his neck. "Of course I love you."  
  
"Just what I wanted to hear..." Yugi replied shyly, holding onto the ropes for the swing while Yami wrapped strong arms around his waist and pushed from the ground to make the swing go.  
  
"Well, isn't that just sickeningly adorable?" A voice spoke.  
  
Yami rolled his eyes. "Up your ass, Kaiba."  
  
Yugi blushed. "Hello Seto, hi Jou."  
  
Seto smirked, coming into view, his hand clasped with Jou's. Jou gave a small smile, cheeks flushed from the cold.  
  
"Hey Yug. Hey Yami."  
  
Seto took a seat on the park bench, pulling Jou down next to him. "What brings you two here?" Yami asked.  
  
Jou gave a sheepish grin. "I wanted ta get him away from the office. And this place seemed like a nice idea..."  
  
Jou trailed off as he heard singing again. Emiko's singing. Another great song that brought a smile to his face.  
  
"I'm, so cool, too bad I'm a loser."  
  
Jou stood, picking the girl up as she came into view, as he added the next verse. "I'm, so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured out."  
  
Emiko giggled, adding the next verse.  
  
"I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baby..."  
  
"I'm so fly, that's probably why it feels just like I'm, falling for the first time..."  
  
Jou and Emiko looked over at Seto, who finished the verse with a smirk. Emiko sang the next versus of the song as Jou and Seto gazed into each other's eyes, before Seto took the chorus.  
  
"Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely," He looked Jou in the eyes. "Anyone loved can be lost. What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time? What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind... It feels just like I'm falling for the first time"  
  
Jou smiled, finishing. "It feels just like I'm falling for the first time"  
  
Anzu walked up, with Mai, hands intertwined.  
  
"Was there some lover's meeting that I didn't hear about?" Yami asked, earning a glare from Mai.  
  
Emiko squealed, jumping from Jou's arms to Mai's. Easily, Mai caught her, casting a grin at Jou and Seto. "How cute... A stroll through the park..."  
  
Seto rolled his eyes. "Yep, yep. Mr. Romantic here."  
  
Jou snickered.  
  
"Oh hush," Seto said, as he stood, pulling Jou into his arms. "You love it and you know it."  
  
Sighing, Jou leaned against him. "That I do..."  
  
As Anzu took Emiko over to play on the swing set, Mai grinned. "So have you two...?"  
  
Jou flushed, and Seto shook his head. "Nope. And I'm not gonna rush him."  
  
"Damn..." Mai whistled. "I don't see how you stand it..."  
  
Jou rolled his eyes, turning to kiss Seto's neck. "I love you."  
  
"I love you too." Seto said with a grin, kissing Jou on the lips.  
  
All the while, Yami and Yugi watched. "I'm glad, Yami-chan... I just hope they last forever..."  
  
"Forever is a long time, Aibou..."  
  
"I know... But that's how it should be."  
  
And oddly enough, it didn't seem so cold in the park anymore.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: SAP! ::is drowned in the sap, then fossilized into amber:: Ooh.. pretty... Oh, and by the way, someone actually LAUGHED when I mentioned Anzu's rape.. Okay, that freaked me out.. Don't tell me things like that, because I don't understand how someone could laugh at something like that... Anyway.. Luff me? R/R? ^__^ 


End file.
